Loud hysteria; drums are f#cking up my nerves. I see something I don’t wanna see. I try not to look but my eyes want more and more. My mind begs for more as if it’s not full with all the dirty and mad things. My mind always begs for more. And I keep looking at the things I’m afraid to see. I hate these things because they are so strong. Sometimes it seems like this black arche is stronger than me. Something primal, something ancient and dark – it wants to consume all the ugly things just to be satisfied with my slowly growing madness. My masochism has limits. I used to think so. But sometimes I’m just not sure… I want to look at this elephant man knowing that he’s so… familiar. He’s too full blood. It’s like watching your reflection telling stupid jokes in front of a hypocritical crowd. It’s like you are one of the faces in that crowd. Loud hysteria; music is making me go crazy. I’m ready to explode knowing that this time everything’s gone too far. It’s not right anymore and it will never be right. Everything’s gone too far. I can’t even look back, I’m afraid of recalling the past few weeks. I can’t even smell my own blood. I just listen to this music and I dig them. I f#cking feel these guys. I feel them and that’s why I’m so depressed right now. The Elephant Man. Dead Elephant. The Turin Horse.