I was googling something the other day and somehow, some way, I ended up coming across an article detailing Joel's plans to leave twitter. Seemed a little strange, but I figured the loss of a promotional medium wouldn't really hurt him all that much. Then I noticed related links to articles about various twitter 'beefs' involving him and the likes of Skrillex, Krewella, Avicii, and more. I clicked on one and after 10 minutes of going from article to article my mind filled with questions. Why was he engaged in so many different online arguments? Why would he choose to spend his time going back and forth online when it looks so embarrassing? Was the EDM artist I looked up to the most losing his mind? Was he struggling with some sort of substance abuse problem? I don't like to be so judgmental, but the deadmau5 I knew back in 2009, when I first heard 'Not Exactly' in my friend's college dorm, didn't use to act this way. I've heard people say, "He's always been kind of a dick, that's why I love him." and to some degree that's true, but for the first time since I learned about who he was I read his tweets and thought, "Wow, I would not want to be around someone who treats people this way. Do I want to continue to support someone who acts like this?"
I read more and more trying to rationalize what I was reading. I didn't want to believe that one of my musical inspirations was being such an asshole, so I searched for proof of him dealing with some grave personal issue that was causing all this behavior. I truly looked up to Joel not just musically, but in his everyday life. I admired his childlike passion for learning to use new gear, and the insight he offers fans by streaming so frequently. I believed he was infallible. While that is obviously foolish hero worship, he did set a good example for aspiring music producers to learn from. He was someone who took his passion and shared it with millions of people, making them feel a wide range of emotions through his music. I was genuinely surprised that someone who had achieved all that could possibly be as unhappy as I perceived him to be.
But then I snapped out of it. I remembered that just because I think everything he's ever done (even Get Scraped) is perfect, doesn't make it true. I remembered that I've never met this man, and most of what I know about him is what I read online. I remembered that he is human and probably capable of having bad days, bad months, even a bad year. I remembered that I have, at times, treated close friends and family members in a way that I now regret. I remembered that I have made foolish, impulsive decisions based on emotion.
I've since read his post on tumblr where he referenced "depression issues", and talked very succinctly about his recent online activity. I was happy he gave a pseudo-apology to his fans, and happy for the extremely brief explanation he offered. I hated seeing his posts online and feeling embarrassed for him. I hope he realizes he is an excellent musical artist first, and a twitter troll second. I hope he talks to a professional about his depression. I hope his life gets better. At the end of the day, like he said it's, "nobodies business but my own."
